Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Treasure Chest

There's a treasure chest
Deep down in my heart
There's a secret locked away
Deep down in my heart
Sometimes I let it slip
Darkness seeping out
Like it's too much to keep
It's blinding my lights out
Quick and quiet
It strikes my soul
Penetrating all my hopes
Piercing it's way
Out my mouth
Into cruel, toxic words
The dark side that I try to hide
The thing that I hate most
It's slipping, It's slipping
And I'm oh so very close
Close enough to feel it happening
Close enough to know
That it's slowly killing me
Like a dark black cloud raining snow
It clouds my very vision
Of what should be seen as right
It suffocates my lungs
When I try and keep it out
Silken and sweet
It'll seduce me into doing wrong
It'll steal away my conscience
And make me feel all torn
Even though I know it hurts
What else can I do?
I have to pour my heart all out
Or suffer as I do
Trusting is hard
I know that very well
I try and block out people
Keep walls in their way
I am close but not
I fled so quickly and soon
It's eerie to know
That it might repeat itself
Again I'll run away
Like the coward I try not to be
Again I'll put up walls
And barriers to protect me
From what I keep forgetting
But My heart is gripped with ice
Like it's too scared
To know what's wrong or right
My brain stops in it's tracks
When I speak sometimes
My words I can't remember
But I think most were lies
Writing helps me most
But never helps the feeling go
It's always there
In a treasure chest
Deep inside my soul

Sunday, September 18, 2011

My parents

I look at them with adoration
As any child would
I look at them for comfort
As any child would
But all I got was cold harsh stares
Icy and unforgiving
And my teardrops froze right there
In the moment I knew
They always wanted something more
Something I never had
Like just a little more smartness
Or just a little more talent
Or something I never even knew about
Something close like that
Whenever I drew them pretty pictures
They would only point out flaws
Like all they ever cared about
Was whatever I did wrong
And once I stood to talk to them
Whilst they were watching news
And they just said 'I'm too busy'
And left me as I stood
'Am I not good enough' I began to think
Everything was wrong with me
Down to the way I blinked
My thoughts were always dark and immaculate
And I began to dwell in them
Always faking happy smiles
Like the good little girl I played
I continued my charade
For my parents beloved
Then as I grew
I came to know
Was it love or my simplicity
That drove me to such lengths?
Then the answer was all so clear
Love was never there
My parents that I strode to please
Never gave a care
But now that I know
And keep to myself
All they show is love
Was it all a game,
Some sick disgusting thing?
Or was it all just so true that they always did love me?
Questions arose in my head
Sharp and oh so deadly
Then sudden tears sprung
Because I'd always longed
for love and care and a little attention
From my parents fair
But still here I stand
Unable to breathe a word
For I fear that it will end
The love from my parents dear


Promise me you'll never leave me
And hold me tightly forever
Promise me sweetly your love won't fade
And we'll see starry nights each day
Promise me you'll come again
Don't vanish like a dream
Promise me you'll wipe away
My tears if they should fall
All these promises made
But barely even kept
Never came again
To say hello
Today, tomorrow or years later
You won't show your face
Lies and lies you used to say
And like a fool I fell
Never will I trust again
Your promises, lies and foolishness
Because finally I have found
A way out of your sick misery

A dream in the mist

In a web of lies she lays
Crying tear less hoping to be found
Sorrow her life
Sadness her days
Nobody tried to find
The girl who lost her way
When she went
It was all smiles and cheers
But when lost she became
Nobody dared find her
Still she came back alive
But dead wholly from the inside
Nothing brought a smile to her
For everything she did was fake
Soon enough she forgot herself
And became just a dream in the mist

Saturday, September 17, 2011

My Lost Love

This is killing me and I had to make a poem on it because of the dreams I had on it. You can ask whatever you want and I'll (Try) to answer

In the moonlight
I reached out my hand
I grabbed someone who spun me
His eyes a deep midnight blue
And slowly he kissed me
Then he vanished as if a dream
Of one sad, lonely night
As I awoke
A sense of longing
Tore me up and filled me
But then as I stared
At a huge glass mirror
I already knew the answer
To my unsaid question
'He is lost, never to be mine'
I whispered softly
Just to remind myself of what
Love I had forsaken
And as I said the words
A strange pain struck my chest
All again the pain was felt
The longing that I though lost
But it was something I had done wholly
Not another silly joke
All in my senses I'd promised
To never fall in love
And yet here I stood
Feeling very lost
'Who would would love me anyways?'
I questioned myself and laughed

As the night moved on and day came
All I could think of was him
Because no matter how much I tried
I'd never stop dreaming
Of the boy who'd come to me
And torment me in sleep
With soft kisses placed carefully
With the simplest of words
My lover who I can never meet
The one who rules my dreams
Who captures my thoughts
With his smiling face
And lovely little phrases
So that whenever I wake
He'll vanish like smoke
And be replaced by my dark, cold room

I promised just once
I never held my tongue
And the words they flowed so easily while I dreamed
And even then I couldn't quite control the things that I currently feel
And so it has become
Something quite so real
A love that's lost
I cannot return
To trying to keep away
Instead I'll stay and act
As if it's really just a dream
To keep my love at bay
I won't even sleep
I'll take away the things that even remind me of him
Just because I know
That I had made one promise
And it will always stay
As my lost love...

Friday, September 16, 2011

The Meadow

There is a meadow
Long and vast
Where I tread
Through unforgotten thoughts
Feeling lonely
Feeling sad
I'll take the lilies
And leave like that
I'll watch the eagles soar across
The deep blue skies where clouds are lost
My heart will ache at the thought
Of leaving my meadow long and vast
For it's one place where I go
To hide my deep and unforgotten sorrow
Even when the peacock's sing
I'll never forget the playful ring
Of the sounds in the meadow
The serene amazing things
That make me so incredibly lonely still
I will leave in a moment
Slowly, surely
I'll pack away
I'll take my basket woven with care
I'll take my lilies gathered right there
I'll leave with my lingering sorrow
Because it's what brings my tomorrow

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Elemental Feelings

Life is our muse
Yet we don't realize
Inspiration in each step
It fills us with joy
Kindness as deep as the ocean
Just as deep and as wide
Beauty like the earth
Ingrained deep inside
Hope like the air
We need it to survive
And passion like the fire
It burns just as bright

P.S. This poem was during one of my happier moments