Your Wedding Gift (To Kal and Octa)

Alright it's a little early and my poem is hardly an acceptable gift but I might not be able to make it to your wedding or something crappy might come up so I'm going to give it in advance (But be assured if I can't make it I'll compensate, I promise) I hope you both like it and I wish you guys the best!

It’s your wedding day

The happiest moment of your life

I’ll set up the world’s most stunning colours

Just for your special day.

I pray that you’ll be happy (Even though I know you will);

Forever with your love

I pray that you get everything

That you could ever ask for

My gift’s too small

In comparison, to the joy you’ll feel

But I hope you’ll receive it anyways

With a little smile

Both a happy ending

And a beautiful new beginning,

I trust you to your lover

Who’ll stand by you, till the very end.

Your friend’s are ever so happy

Know they love you unconditionally

They’ll always stand by you

Because they care for you most.

If I could, I’d take down the stars

In hopes that they’d adorn your wedding gown

If I could, I’d erase all the hurt

That you’d felt in your past.

When you’ll walk into that chapel

Holding your lover close

If I’m not there to see you two

I’ll be wishing you the best

I’ll fill the chapel with birdsong,

I’ll lay out all the colours of the world,

I’ll be standing there, in a corner

Smiling, holding up a toast to you.

I hope that these words

Can convey my message

My happiness for your joy

I wish you both the very best,

The very best of life.

Like a flower of love that blossomed,

In both your hearts

I’ll grow a thousand more for you both

And make sure none wither away

In your hearts.

My Best Friend- My Mother

I am happy, very happy

I am going to school, my very first day

I am four, I am excited

I stand in front of my school gate

There are lots of children, dozens and dozens

They all seem happy, I feel the same

I am inside the school gates

The gates are closing, I begin to realize

I am losing my best friend

My mother is leaving me, for the very first time

I am crying, my tears flow like a river

My four years of childhood are breaking down

How can I leave my mother?

Even for only three hours

That’s the first time I realized how it felt

To lose my best friend, my mother

…

Today I am excited, I am now 13,

I am leaving my school, all my best friends

I hope they all come with me

Follow me into my new high school

Is it pain?

Is it agony?

And is it disappointment in my best friend’s eyes?

That she is no more my only best friend

The fact that she’s now just my mother?

I lean more on my other best friends

I now have more than 10

All of them are my very best friends

I believe they’ll do anything for me

They’ll give their life just to save mine

They’ll be there for me forever

My mother cooks food

She waits for me to come for lunch

One that turns to dinner and soon breakfast

She wants to wait for me

To come home and eat with her

Like I used to a year before

She stays home hungry, agonized for me

She wants to have food with me, she waits

I don’t care about my old best friend

I am rich; I have more than a hundred new ones

Why should I care for the old one?

My mother she waits

She tries to make me understand

She is the only one who’ll be by my side

…

I am now seventeen

I know my mother is not the only one

I am rich; I have many friends

My closest best friend is a prince

I cherish him out of millions

He is the best in everything

In looks, caring, sharing and everything else

I share everything, my body, my soul

My pain, my gain, my future

My prosper, all of me

My old best friend is just there still

…

Now I am 25

Now I know old isn’t gold

Now I know I was wrong

Mother comes by default, not by choice

My life is rich, it’s by choice

I am rich, I have a prince

I have friends by the hundreds

I don’t care

To go see my mother

While she sits in the corner of the room alone

I don’t care, my beautiful mother

Suddenly looks fifty years older than her age

She’s lost her edge, she’s lost her looks

She’s lost her confidence in overall

I don’t care even if I think

The confidence she lost was in me

I don’t think negative, she is old

She should look old

I dwell in the positive

I am rich; I have hundreds of friends

My prince is now my husband

I don’t care about my old best friend

She’s just somebody there by default

…

I am now 35, I am full

I don’t have time to even call my mother

My old best friend, once in a while, just once

I am so busy, my husband, my job, my children, my dog

My house, my cat, my parties so many

My fashion, my list of ever-growing best friends

It’s all about me

It’s not about anything old

It’s not that old is gold

It’s no more about my old best friend

It’s no more about my mother, she died

In her sleep, alone, no one around

I couldn’t go to her

I had to see, my daughter’s first day at school

My daughter is now four

…

Its wedding day, I am alone

It’s the day the accident took place

It’s the day my house is full of people

It’s the day that my house, so filled with people

I cannot find even one friend

Let alone my best friend,

My son died today

It was a freak accident

It happened while he was coming from school

My prince, my ex-husband is too busy

It’s his wedding day today

My hundreds of best friends

They’re all too busy

They all have something to do

Some are gone, having their kitty parties

Some are having their pet shows

Some have their date nights

None having time for me

I’m all alone I realize

…

I now have enough experience

I am now old enough

Staying alone in my house

Day after lonesome day

Month after month

All night long

I’m waiting and waiting

For a little phone call

The ring of the doorbell

It doesn’t come

Only the continuous ringing in my head

Reminding me I’m seventy, I’m old

It’s my own dialogue

‘Old is not gold’

Now everybody knows my number

My house number, my cell number

It’s there in all of my best friends call bared lists

Years gone by to make me realize

You are old and old isn’t gold

…

I don’t know why I live

This is probably my punishment

My old friend wanted me to realize-

Mother’s never age

Mother’s are the only ones who come by default

I am now ninety

I realize only one thing

In all my life

I only got one friend

She wasn’t my best friend

She was my soul friend who stayed with me always

Since the day I was born

Till now she’s there in my heart

My only  friend, my Best Friend - My mother

Me

I’m writing this for you

Try and listen to me

I’m writing to please you

Don’t you see?

I might want you to spoil me

Get all my emotions straight

But trust me when I say

There’s quite a lot of hate

The words I say

Might not always be pretty

But trust me they’re all just true

Down to the littlest hello

Or painful remark

I’m just trying to please you

Why can’t you get that simple thing right?

My tiniest little feeling

Don’t just say it’s pretty

And leave me

Trying to get you’re repeat

Say those words again

Please just one more time

But try and understand

My reason why

Before you make me cry

I won’t hate you for not getting it down perfect

Trust me I won’t

Just try and get a little bit

And that’ll give me all my joy

My tears, don’t look at them

Don’t pay the slightest bit of attention

Just look at my face

When I speak

And try to figure me out

I’ll be the happiest

And you won’t have a doubt

You’ll see me for what I am

Without another cloud

A mist that I usually use

To try and block you out

But believe me when I tell you this

You’ll easily find your way out

All I have to say this time

Is just try and pay attention

I’m not always smiling

Haven’t quiet put the cherry on top

I’m just a lost little girl

Trying not to get all that lost

Fade Away

When I'm in pain and I can't cry

Tears won't drip instead I'll sigh

Take a knife and carve it out

Plunge it in and pull it out

Feel the pain that makes it better

Feel the warm, Silken Leather

Feel the blood trickle down

Feel it drip, drip to the ground

Listen to the wind rustle below

Walk slowly, Take a flow

Let it go away

Fade, fade far away

Tears and pain let them go

Take me in and let me go

When the night will fade

And dawn comes again

Kiss me softly

And leave me sweet

I'll fade, I'll vanish

Like a quiet summer dream

Treasure Chest

There's a treasure chest
Deep down in my heart
There's a secret locked away
Deep down in my heart
Sometimes I let it slip
Darkness seeping out
Like it's too much to keep
It's blinding my lights out
Quick and quiet
It strikes my soul
Penetrating all my hopes
Piercing it's way
Out my mouth
Into cruel, toxic words
The dark side that I try to hide
The thing that I hate most
It's slipping, It's slipping
And I'm oh so very close
Close enough to feel it happening
Close enough to know
That it's slowly killing me
Like a dark black cloud raining snow
It clouds my very vision
Of what should be seen as right
It suffocates my lungs
When I try and keep it out
Silken and sweet
It'll seduce me into doing wrong
It'll steal away my conscience
And make me feel all torn
Even though I know it hurts
What else can I do?
I have to pour my heart all out
Or suffer as I do
Trusting is hard
I know that very well
I try and block out people
Keep walls in their way
I am close but not
I fled so quickly and soon
It's eerie to know
That it might repeat itself
Again I'll run away
Like the coward I try not to be
Again I'll put up walls
And barriers to protect me
From what I keep forgetting
But My heart is gripped with ice
Like it's too scared
To know what's wrong or right
My brain stops in it's tracks
When I speak sometimes
My words I can't remember
But I think most were lies
Writing helps me most
But never helps the feeling go
It's always there
In a treasure chest
Deep inside my soul

My parents

I look at them with adoration
As any child would
I look at them for comfort
As any child would
But all I got was cold harsh stares
Icy and unforgiving
And my teardrops froze right there
In the moment I knew
They always wanted something more
Something I never had
Like just a little more smartness
Or just a little more talent
Or something I never even knew about
Something close like that
Whenever I drew them pretty pictures
They would only point out flaws
Like all they ever cared about
Was whatever I did wrong
And once I stood to talk to them
Whilst they were watching news
And they just said 'I'm too busy'
And left me as I stood
'Am I not good enough' I began to think
Everything was wrong with me
Down to the way I blinked
My thoughts were always dark and immaculate
And I began to dwell in them
Always faking happy smiles
Like the good little girl I played
I continued my charade
For my parents beloved
Then as I grew
I came to know
Was it love or my simplicity
That drove me to such lengths?
Then the answer was all so clear
Love was never there
My parents that I strode to please
Never gave a care
But now that I know
And keep to myself
All they show is love
Was it all a game,
Some sick disgusting thing?
Or was it all just so true that they always did love me?
Questions arose in my head
Sharp and oh so deadly
Then sudden tears sprung
Because I'd always longed
for love and care and a little attention
From my parents fair
But still here I stand
Unable to breathe a word
For I fear that it will end
The love from my parents dear

Promises

Promise me you'll never leave me
And hold me tightly forever
Promise me sweetly your love won't fade
And we'll see starry nights each day
Promise me you'll come again
Don't vanish like a dream
Promise me you'll wipe away
My tears if they should fall
All these promises made
But barely even kept
Never came again
To say hello
Today, tomorrow or years later
You won't show your face
Lies and lies you used to say
And like a fool I fell
Never will I trust again
Your promises, lies and foolishness
Because finally I have found
A way out of your sick misery